Geeky, Sexy Waffles


August 2016

The Secret Diary of Barnum Hornwaffle (aged 33 1/4) – Wicked Wednesday #222

There seems to be a running theme within my last few posts – books. All of them have referenced or used them in some form or another and, as a massive Book Geek, I’m proud to say this one won’t be any different.

I don’t keep a diary these days, although it’s not because I look down on them or believe them to be self-indulgent or anything even remotely negative. I kept one for many years and would frequently write essays on scraps of A4 then stuff them into a folder tucked between the bed and my secret stash of porn mags. Sex and words have always been closely related in my world.

And yet my diary was never sexy, despite the two biggest sources of inspiration for such entries being forever lodged in my brain in a sexy way.

Continue reading “The Secret Diary of Barnum Hornwaffle (aged 33 1/4) – Wicked Wednesday #222”

Unsexy Ukulele

This isn’t even remotely sexy unless, like me, you find music and instruments and lighting absolutely sexy (in which case I applaud you), but I’ve been playing around with my new camera and my favourite ukulele and although it ain’t all that sensual, I quite like it as an image. Continue reading “Unsexy Ukulele”

Keep Quiet – Sinful Sunday

Taking a pinch of inspiration from my Wicked Wednesday short story – a tale set in the silence of a library – I thought I’d stick with the theme of books and the need to stay quiet for my Sinful Sunday entry.

I ummed and ahhed about which book to use – Did I make a joke of it with my copy of Fragile Things by Neil Gaiman, or perhaps The Dark Tower by Stephen King? The position of the book and the title opened up endless possibilities and I love a cheeky joke. Continue reading “Keep Quiet – Sinful Sunday”

Silence – Chapter Two

Silence started as an entry for #WickedWednesday. Click here to read Chapter One.

Taking his time, Jonathan reached out with one hand and ran his fingers down Alice’s back. It was barely more than a hint of contact, hardly enough to even be felt, yet as her shirt rippled beneath his fingertips he enjoyed the sight of her body tensing while edging his way down towards her neat, black skirt.

In the reflection of the window opposite, Jonathan watched Alice’s expression change and shift from calm control to nervous excitement. He wondered whether she would be able to stay quiet. If it would be better to withdraw and leave her, wanting but unable to abide by his rules. It would be risky to continue if she couldn’t contain herself and yet, after he considered his options, he decided to continue anyway. There was no fun in giving up so easily, he decided, and the game had only just begun.

Continue reading “Silence – Chapter Two”

Silence – Wicked Wednesday Prompt #221

I’m a bit annoyed with myself for embellishing so much that I was unable to write what I wanted within the word count but – alas – that’s how I roll. I intend to finish the story soon enough so consider this merely an introduction…

The library card had three pieces of information on it – a time, an aisle number, and a single word – “Silence”

To the casual eye it would have appeared innocent enough – a note left by one librarian to another, perhaps – but Jonathan had felt certain its intentions would be understood by the intended recipient and, when he saw Alice appear on the stairs at 6 O’clock, the little slip of card poking from the pages of the book she held, he knew he’d been right.

Continue reading “Silence – Wicked Wednesday Prompt #221”

Sunday Strumming – Sinful Sunday #280

In the Further Unsexy Admissions Of Barnum – I love a good strum on my ukulele. I’ve got five now and whether I pick them up for a quick pluck or a long fiddle, they always help to pick up my mood.

Continue reading “Sunday Strumming – Sinful Sunday #280”

Random Body Boasts – Wicked Wednesday Prompt #220

I’m not sporty. I’ve never played sportsball or supported a sportsball team so I’m probably cheating a little by bending this week’s Wicked Wednesday to the gym, but they’re both kinda healthy so I hope it’s alright.

Gyms seem like weird places to me – where else is it acceptable to grunt, sweat and pant in front of strangers for an hour or two?

On second thought, don’t answer that.

It’s not that I’m anti-gym – in fact I’ve slowly come to love them again – it’s just that, between the clanking, judgemental machines and the people I see using them – all of whom I secretly decide are better than me – I tend to shuffle around with my head down, feeling more body conscious than ever.

Continue reading “Random Body Boasts – Wicked Wednesday Prompt #220”

Shower, Selfie, Shave – Sinful Sunday #279


I have no doubt these will seem very vanilla compared to some but, as someone not used to showing themselves off, it was kinda daunting enough taking these pictures, let alone exposing them to the world.

Deep breath.

This is the end of my sinful week off – a time to scrub up, shave off the scraggly holiday beard and get ready for the return to work.

Sinful Sunday

See who else is taking part in Sinful Sunday

Putting Two and Two Together with Non Ejaculatory Orgasms

Can I just start by saying I fucking LOVE Twitter at the moment. After having wrestled with stuff over the recent weeks, I wasn’t sure whether it was time for me to hang up the little bird and move on, yet surprisingly, just as I was feeling at my down and out-iest, I found myself discovering new things, meeting new people and having some brilliant conversations which just couldn’t happen anywhere else. So sorry folks, you’re stuck with me a bit longer.

Between the conversations I began looking into some new toys, particularly in an area I’d not experienced before – prostate vibrators. In my research for said toys I came across a lot of talk about the very different type of orgasm you could achieve with them and this obviously fuelled my decision to get on and buy one, but, as will be covered by this article’s sister post tomorrow, I got sod all out of my first time with one and went back to watching Mission: Impossible in my pants. Continue reading “Putting Two and Two Together with Non Ejaculatory Orgasms”

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