Geeky, Sexy Waffles



Putting Two and Two Together with Non Ejaculatory Orgasms

Can I just start by saying I fucking LOVE Twitter at the moment. After having wrestled with stuff over the recent weeks, I wasn’t sure whether it was time for me to hang up the little bird and move on, yet surprisingly, just as I was feeling at my down and out-iest, I found myself discovering new things, meeting new people and having some brilliant conversations which just couldn’t happen anywhere else. So sorry folks, you’re stuck with me a bit longer.

Between the conversations I began looking into some new toys, particularly in an area I’d not experienced before – prostate vibrators. In my research for said toys I came across a lot of talk about the very different type of orgasm you could achieve with them and this obviously fuelled my decision to get on and buy one, but, as will be covered by this article’s sister post tomorrow, I got sod all out of my first time with one and went back to watching Mission: Impossible in my pants. Continue reading “Putting Two and Two Together with Non Ejaculatory Orgasms”

Time To P-lay – First Time Prostate Fun With The Bondara Silicone Prostate Massager and The Pleaser Rechargeable Vibrating Prostate Massager

A quick heads up – this ties into my post about groaning through the most orgasms I’ve ever experienced in one morning. I’ll state right now that it involves prostate play so if that’s not for you, or you have any negative opinions about it, I suggest you kindly move on. It’ll be a mixture of review and charting my experience and while I’ll try not to be crude, I will be honest. Peace and love, Barnum x

This has been one hell of a week for experimenting. The discovery, learning and experiencing of Non-Ejaculatory Orgasms left me a gibbering mess on Monday and then was swiftly followed by a rather earth-shattering combination of NEOs and vibrating prostate toys on Tuesday. I’ve been a busy Barnum. Continue reading “Time To P-lay – First Time Prostate Fun With The Bondara Silicone Prostate Massager and The Pleaser Rechargeable Vibrating Prostate Massager”

Boozey Blunders

Alcohol is responsible for many memories. It’s the cause of torn coat sleeves, the reason I once fell through a fence and explains why I woke on a friend’s bed rambling about “rusty Volkswagen catalogues”.

It’s also added a lot of fun to sex. And a lot of obstacles.

Picture the scene – Cheryl (my new sexual experimenter and spunk analyst) had a night off and we were all going out. 8 students, crammed onto a table in a pub with suspiciously high ceilings and carpets which absorbed stains with unnatural ease.

Sat side by side, it didn’t take long before my leg brushed against Cheryl’s and felt her gently nudge back in response. Since we’d downplayed any involvement to the others we silently agreed to carry on drinking and enjoying ourselves, all the while secretly pressing and rubbing against one another. Above the table all was normal; below the table a friction began to build.

Between rounds of drinks my hand slipped beneath to stroke Cheryl’s thigh, peeking out so beautifully from the hem of her dark green dress. When we slid to the next bar I made sure to stand behind her, pushing her arse through the door with a firm grip and smirked at the cheeky grin she flashed me in return. Under dim lights and trashy music we snuck in further moments, sometimes simply letting our fingers touch while standing in close proximity, sometimes pretending to lean in to speak and instead softly brushing the other’s ear with our lips, and sometimes we’d lead ourselves to dark corners for covert kisses which tasted of sambuca and cigarette smoke. Continue reading “Boozey Blunders”


RocketHo – ly FUCK.

If ever there was a week to go down in history for Barnum’s Most Intense Sexual Exploration Experience, it must surely be this one.

Fuck the previous ones. The fleshlight and vibrating masturbation sleeves were good, but this is bed-rocking, firework-banging, blow-me-not-just-to-the-moon-but-out-of-the-fucking-solar-system good. I shall be marking it in the calendar and celebrating it for the rest of my days.

Jesus Maloney.

Continue reading “OOOOOOO-M-G”


Below is an old post from my previous blog. It’s a silly little thing which I’ve tried to leave in its original form (no editing or rewriting) but I thought it worth carrying across for old times sake.

“Your spunk’s kinda watery today”

Continue reading “Consistent”

Toy Story

To say I enjoy a good wank is a bit of an understatement, and seeing as this is #MasturbationMonth I thought I should write about my favourite topic.

Like most kids growing up, I quickly learned, applied and followed a masturbation routine which sounded more like a doctor’s advice for taking medication – wank twice a day during the week, three times a day at weekends – a routine which I still follow when my sexual droughts seem to stretch twice around the world, and even when they don’t.

Either way, I’ve become quite an expert at getting myself off in a variety of ways, scenarios and time limits; whether it’s a speed wank with 10 minutes to spare or enough edging to burst a blood vessel, I’ve got it covered.

Continue reading “Toy Story”

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