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Hornwaffle

Geeky, Sexy Waffles

Bare Necessities

Well, I’ve been naked a lot this week, and I’ve been playing the Uke a lot as well, so I thought I may as well combine the two. There are a few bum notes in there, but anywho – it was fun to play.

Lazing On A Sunny Afternoon – Sinful Sunday #321

I certainly don’t have a stately home (although the tax man takes his fair share of dough), but The Kinks were right about one thing –

“…I love to live so pleasantly
Live this life of luxury
Lazing on a sunny afternoon

In the summertime…”

Continue reading “Lazing On A Sunny Afternoon – Sinful Sunday #321”

Under The Sea

I promised this to someone a while ago and it’s taken me about 3 months (and 6 attempts) to get there. I run out of breath a few times and sound like a twat, but anyway – here’s my shoddy version of Under The Sea. Cover your ear drums.

Easter Bunny – Sinful Sunday

Obviously not me, but shared on behalf of someone I’m enjoying spending lots of time with, exploring together.

Sinful Sunday

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Cold As Ike

 

When I heard about @theotherlivvy’s #EuphOff challenge, my mind jumped at the opportunity to write filth and dress it up in the most terrible, pun-worthy way possible. What’s not to love?

As a result I created this – quite possibly the most awful, cringe-worthy thing I’ve ever written (at least, knowingly) and it’s about as sexy as a Carry On film.

The whole thing was conceived as part of a pulpy, tawdy adventure novel in which the MEN are gruff adventurers, the women are portrayed as fawning damsels and scientific fact is an inconvenience which gets in the way of a ripping yarn. It’s a pastiche, a parody, and it made me laugh a lot while writing it.
Continue reading “Cold As Ike”

Play Time – Sinful Sunday #308

This week’s photo follows my two previous Sinful Sunday posts – the final part of a three picture set in many ways.

It’s a candid shot which explains the mess on the table and the cables behind the bed, and it’s probably the most explicit photo I’ve taken so far, but to me it sums up what weekends are for.

Play Time.jpg

Sinful Sunday

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A Load Of Wank About Lent

“What are you giving up for Lent?”

It was the question I’d been waiting for all day and, sure enough, my boss delivered it with her customary flighty laugh and yet deeply serious undertone which suggested if I wasn’t giving anything up for Lent then I was a poor excuse for a human being.

I fumbled for a moment, threw in a random question about soup and, once satisfied she was distracted, turned back to my computer before she could ask again. I’m a master at avoiding questions.

The thing is, I don’t get Lent and the whole “giving something up” thing. I’m not slightly religious so see no reason to follow the tradition; I don’t see any real benefit in quitting something for 40 days when I’m free to indulge the other 325 days of the year, and, to be honest, there are precious few things in life which give me any form of pleasure so don’t understand why I would make myself miserable by denying myself any of them.

Continue reading “A Load Of Wank About Lent”

Choices – Sinful Sunday #307

When you’re home alone and have multiple toys to pick, sometimes it’s hard to choose.

Continue reading “Choices – Sinful Sunday #307”

50 Ways To Fuck Each Other – Wicked Wednesday #247

I heard a song a while ago,

“50 Ways To Leave Your Lover.”

With a tip of hat

I wrote a poem like that,

Called “50 Ways To Fuck Each Other”.


Starting in the bedroom,

You can call it ‘Making Love’.

That’s far enough for many

But if you grow out of


It, try to call it ‘Shagging’,

‘Screwing’ or a ‘Fuck’.

Call it ‘Hide The Sausage”,

Though I doubt you’ll get much luck.


You can move it to the kitchen,

The living room or hall.

You can do it on the stairs

Just be careful not to fall.


You can fuck each other twice.

You can fuck each other thrice.

Go all day long,

If fit and strong,

And add a little spice.


Dress each other up.

Dress each other down.

Try dressing as a nurse,

A teacher or a clown.


Don’t just use your cunt.

Don’t just use your cock.

Fingers, lips,

Tongues and tits.

Make your partner rock.


You can do it in the dark.

With a stranger. In the park!

You can turn the lights on bright

Or hide behind a mask.


Then there are the toys!

Oh, the many joys.


Dildos, plugs, beads and chains,

Ropes, rings – paddles for pain.


Become a Dom, become a Daddy.

Become a sub or a saddy.


Let pain and pleasure

Merge as one

As masochist, or as some


Tease each other wearing lace,

Stockings, boots, and in case


That’s not enough there’s lots to learn

About the words to make them squirm.


Choke your partner.

Share their pleasure:

Swinging, dogging,

There’s no measure.


Threesomes, gangs,

There’s even cucking.

Let others watch

As you get fucking.


Screw each other senseless.

Screw what others think!

It’s too much fun,

Making others cum,

No matter what your kink.

See who else is taking part

Wicked Wednesday... a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked

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